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  • Naomi Beaumont

World Book Day: A Rant

Ah, March. Blossom is on the trees. Covid is in the air. Hark the arrival of spring, Cadbury’s crème eggs, and the annual rant/brag fest that is World Book Day.

Eagerly anticipated by the competitive parent with too much time and glitter glue on their hands; dreaded by the lazy but loving parent. Also known as those with a job/life/grasp of the sublime vs the ridiculous.

As if this week wasn’t weird enough with Gavin Williamson being knighted by his mate Boris, against the sinister backdrop of Putin vs The Rest Of The World (ok, except China), apparently parents are now required to dress up not only their offspring, but a potato.

Yes, an actual potato. But what is the link between said root vegetable and World Book Bay, you may ask? The answer is none, for there is no link. A well-meaning soul probably thought it would be more sustainable than buying landfill costumes off Amazon for one day. But defacing vegetables? FYI that is also WASTEFUL, my friend. My own friends and I conferred - should we rebel and do carrots? Maybe a turnip in the shape of a big dangly penis?

Many parents took to the class WhatsApp chat to share their triumphs; ‘Poppy and Binky have loved making theirs - and thanks to a £3 pack of acrylic paint we managed better than thought!!’ OH GOOD FOR YOU. Some people even rocked up to school with their potatoes in staged settings. Like 3 pig potatoes, in a straw (cardboard) farmhouse. Clearly all made by people aged 40, not 7. And defeating the object of potatoes presumably being simpler/quicker to decorate than a child.

Someone, somewhere, is having a laugh watching middle-aged people try to dress up potatoes. Please, keep the craft at school and stop giving parents more things to do. And I mean honestly, Gavin Williamson? My mate’s Harry Potter potato with glasses in biro deserves a knighthood more than him.

(With credit to my wonderful friends and their WhatsApp rants that keep me sane)

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